we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
