You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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