at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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