btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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