So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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