his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
