He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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