My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
