How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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