You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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