can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I need to align my fucking chakras
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
