her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
