I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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