i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
