so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
