Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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