i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize