Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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