so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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