I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
