Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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