just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
