PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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