Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
