I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
