You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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