FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
