Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
