Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
