We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
