Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize