she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
