He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he was CRYING into my vagina
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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