member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
