Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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