I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just saw a hot homeless man
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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