Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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