1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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