Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
