So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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