fuck your aforementioned shoe
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
