my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
