Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
