If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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