she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
COCAINE IS GR8
The adults are the big ones right?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
