I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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