Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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