i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
