guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize