You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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