have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
