He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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