2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
