the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
