I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
