I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
