She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
