I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
