I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
