I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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