I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
