marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
