I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
