he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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