the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize