I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
