Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
