I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
