Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
