if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
