forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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