is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
